he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dick very happy bro
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
