I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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