I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
