I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
should my penis look like a turkey
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
