I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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