May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What a dumb baby whore.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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