too bad you live with your parents still
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
