I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
