we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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