Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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