How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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