In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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