I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
