Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
