after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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