if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture