She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...