We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
