yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
