So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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