Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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