I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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