Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
