It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
