Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
