I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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