Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
