I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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