A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
