i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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