I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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