This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
