You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
