Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
