some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
