I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
