ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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