I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
