i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
