got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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