Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
