I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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