You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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