What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
