So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
