good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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