You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
