there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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