Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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