Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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