my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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