I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
