In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
