were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
