My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
