Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
