im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
