i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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