Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize